Shakespeare
by Min Daae
Summary: L and Light; Yotsuba arc, they are teasing each other. Many quote related puns, pancakes, and a slightly irritated Light. But only slightly. Largely silliness.


"A horse, a horse, my kingdom-"

"Richard III. Don't be insulting."

"And tribunes with their tongues doom men to death."

"Titus Andronicus. Not much better."

"Is Titus Adronicus Light-kun's favorite play by the Bard?" Light leaned his head back in the chair and wondered if an affirmative answer made him Kira. He decided to employ one of L's own infuriating tricks and answered with a question.

"Is that important?"

"I was only curious. 'Nothing in his life became him like the leaving it.'"

"Macbeth. You're in a grim mood this afternoon, Ryuzaki. I sense a theme to your quotations."

"I always found the comedies inane. I'm afraid I'm not nearly so familiar with them. What _is _your favorite play, Light-kun, if not Andronicus?"

Light looked up, and grimaced at the pile of sugar that L was easing into his mouth. "I have no idea. I haven't thought about it much. Within genre, most of them are the same, anyway. What about you, Ryuzaki?"

"I am rather fond of Hamlet, myself."

"How cliché," Light drawled. "I was almost expecting 'Romeo and Juliet.'"

L looked up, one eyebrow quirking sharply upward. "O curséd spite," he said, dry and acidic as he'd ever been, "That ever I was born to set you right." Light threw a pillow at him.

"Very funny, very clever. Eat your vegetables." Light stood up, shaking out his limbs. "We could go for a walk, you know. Do something."

"I don't feel like going for a walk." L began licking the sugar off of his fingers. Light grimaced again in disgust. "Don't make that face, Light-kun. It makes your nose look funny." Light stopped at once, and then glared. "When they find a way to candy carrots, I will consider it. Something to use that magnificent brain of yours for."

"Instead of what, aiding world famous detectives?"

"Or evading them." L eyed him, eyes narrowing with suspicion. "Enthusiasm for vegetables. The chance of you being Kira has risen three percent."

"Oh, shut up," Light snapped. "Stick a lollipop in it."

"Some," L said calmly, "Might take that as nearly obscene, you know?"

Light glanced over at him, looking disgusted. "Misa's right. You are a pervert. It's just that you're not perving on _her._"

"I have no idea what Light-kun is implying," L said innocently, and Light glowered at him. "But if he thinks that I am going to go outside, he is greatly mistaken."

"You could get more sweets."

"That's what Watari is for. Come and sit down, and don't sulk. That makes your nose look funny too, and it ruins the whole effect."

Light stalked back to the couch, sat down, crossed arms and legs and sulked as hard as he possibly could. L's mouth twitched a little, like he was trying not to laugh. "Light-kun's birthday is coming up soon, isn't it? What would he like for his birthday?"

"New handcuffs," Light said, imitating L's earlier tone of acidic dryness. L's eyebrows quirked.

"Just that? Here I was going to offer a computer of your own. You're easy to please."

"Please," Light said, somewhat tightly, "Do not go there."

"Go where?" L said innocently, and Light hit him.

"Stop that. Pervert. What about breakfast, then? Sometime in the next century?"

"Make me pancakes," L said, dropping a sugar toasted cake right into his open mouth, "With extra syrup."

"Make your own pancakes," Light snapped, and crossed his arms, turning his head away from the detective in annoyance. "Don't you ever do anything for yourself?"

"Not when I can help it. Or can get other people to do it for me." L raised both eyebrows, this time. "You've never done that?"

"At least I'm not an ass about it. My family believes in _hard work _to get what one wants."

"Was that a hint the size of an anvil? I'm not sure I caught it. Now make me pancakes." L looked up, thoughtfully, tapping the tines of a fork against his teeth. "Chocolate chip pancakes. And some cream to go with it."

"You are disgusting," Light said, "And your arteries are going to harden to something closely resembling bone. Does that bother you at all?"

"No, although your continuing insistence means I have to ask – do I look overweight to you, Light-kun?" L stood up, held out his arms, his skinny frame just to the side of emaciated. Light examined him critically.

"It's probably the pants," he concluded, wryly. "No, _definitely _the pants."

"Pancakes, Light-kun," L reminded him, waving a fork in the direction of the stove. "I don't see you moving."

"Would you like me to pour you a new cup of sludge while I'm at it?" Light asked, glancing disdainfully at the thick mixture of sugar and caffeine in the bottom of L's cup. "How many cubes did you put in there, twelve?"

"Ten," L corrected. "It's the only way it is remotely palatable. Chop chop, Yagami-kun. I don't like to be kept waiting for my pancakes."

"The almighty L speaks," Light muttered under his breath. "Mere mortals cannot help but answer. Listen, oh ye peoples, for his wisdom is great."

"Let them eat cake," L said, and scraped the bottom of his dessert/breakfast (if there was really any difference) bowl.

"Amen," Light drawled, and gingerly picked his way over to the stove, conscious and careful of the chain. L seemed to have no interest in making this kind of navigation easy. He seemed to continue to find every one of Light's failures utterly amusing. Cleaning dishes was particularly difficult, since L never wanted him to do it.

He started working on the batter.

"Stars, hide your-"

"Macbeth. I thought we were done with this."

"I'm still bored. Would you prefer geographical trivia?"

"I would prefer to work on the case. You know, the one that's the reason we're handcuffed together in the first place?"

"Who said," L drawled, at length, "That that was the _entire _reason?"

Light turned around, stared at him, and shook his head. "Pervert."

"I'm joking."

"I know. That doesn't actually make it all that much better."

"Let Light not see my black and deep desires." L put his thumb to his mouth and smirked. Light rolled his eyes.

"Very funny. Are you done yet?"

"I am never done, Light Yagami. An artist's work is never done." Light breathed out hard, through his nose.

"Of course. And you're an artist."

"The very best. How are those pancakes coming?"

"I'm working on the batter. Why do I do things like this for you? There's no reason I have to. And certainly no reason I should." Light glowered down at the bowl. "How do I get talked into this?"

"Without much difficulty, actually." L folded his knees up to his chest, still grinning. "You just need to get out of the habit of being helpful."

"Fat chance. I'm not going to turn into you more than I have to. Particularly not in terms of hygiene. You smell like a barn."

"It helps me think," L said, smoothly, tapping his spoon against his lips. Getting wet drastically decreases my reasoning abilities."

"That is such a lie," Light said, indignantly. "It doesn't work that way. That's the most ridiculous thing you've said yes. All right, sitting position maybe, but that's just stupid."

"There are more things on heaven and on earth, Horatio." L said pompously, "Than are dreamt of in your philosophy." Light snarled.

"You've been waiting for that all day, haven't you?"

L waved the fork, grin widening. "Pancakes, Light-kun?"


End file.
